We Need to Talk About Paully

I’ve known Paully forever. We grew up together, went everywhere together, and have pretty much shared everything. I’ve always trusted him to look after me, and he’s never let me down.

The last few years there’s been some things go awry—almost as if someone was sabotaging me. I tried to push it away at first, told myself I was being silly. But as it got worse I started to worry. I talked to friends about it, I told them how horrible it left me feeling, how shattered I often was when things didn’t work properly. I talked to experts and got referred to specialists who deal with these kinds of things. While most of my friends and family believed and supported me, some told me to just get over it—I was being paranoid. The experts and specialists said the same—one even suggested I stop making excuses and take responsibility for the problems.

Then, a few months ago, I went to an expert who seemed to understand. She believed me—someone was messing with me. Something was not right. After some deep investigation she was able to provide me with pictures of the culprit. It was Paully! I couldn’t believe it. After all this time and all we’d been through together, he’d let me down. I was hurt. But I was also relieved—I wasn’t going crazy, or being paranoid. Something really was up.

Paully is my gall bladder. I’ve spent the last two years schlepping from doctor to doctor, and having endless tests and terrifying diagnosis—early menopause, Polycystic Ovaries, various autoimmune diseases. I’ve had endless medications to try to fix the rapid weight gain, intense pain, and exhaustion. After all this, and almost ready to accept I really was making it all up, I tried one last doctor who tested for Cholelithiasis (gallstones). Winner! I was so relieved I cried tears of happiness. She laughed at my unexpected response.

Best Friend’s for Not EverNatalie Dee

Paully and I are no longer friends. He’s no use to me, especially while causing me so much trouble. So, tomorrow, I go in for surgery to have him removed. I probably should be nervous or anxious—everyone around me seems worried—but I’m excited to finally feel better.

My gal pals, Wabi and Miss Vodka, each gave me a small gift today, because I’m “going for surgery and might die”. I was both amused and incredibly touched. I seriously have the best friends anyone could ask for, and you should all be very envious.

Sadly, while I’m being sliced and diced I’ll be away from Heidielka, but only for a few of day. Watch this space Sunday for an update, and a return to regular scheduled programming.

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