This week, for the most part, has been full of posts that are somewhat depressing. From me whining about my less-than-perfect days, to providing a realistic look into my mind, as a sufferer of chronic illness. So, I wanted to make sure today’s post was a little bit more uplifting. Not just because I’ve been such a Debbie Downer all week, but also because having an invisible illness doesn’t mean life sucks. In fact, I actually have my ME/CFS and PCOS to thank for a lot of the good things that have come my way over the last little while.
Had I not been in the throes of ME/CFS, and feeling completely miserable at the beginning of last year, I would probably have taken a dodgy job in fashion sales just to get some cash. Then I would have got lazy, and put my dreams to the side because it’s easier to work in a job you hate for lots of money, than to do something you love for no money at all. Instead, I tried my hand at my own business, and started waking up my creative muscles which, in turn, woke up my passion and heart.
Had I been well I would have stayed in Brisbane, even though I was sick of living in the city, and was missing the company of friends who had moved home again. I would be bugging Kaos, my one friend left in Brisbane, and spending most of my weekends driving back and forward to Toowoomba to visit family, friends, and my dog. Instead, I moved back home where I feel safe and loved, I reconnected with Wabi, Helva, and Miss Vodka, and I get sweet doggy kisses from Bonnie every single day.
Yes, many days the bad outweighs the good, the pain drowns out the joy, and the endless bills and stress make it hard to find the positives in this situation. But then a coffee outing with mum, or a lively “good morning” from Bonnie, or simply the look on a harried sales-assistant’s face, will remind me it’s not all so bad. So that’s what I’m going to focus on.
I could choose to focus on the nasty negatives, and all the hours I spend being sore or tired. But why would I want to channel my remaining energy into making myself feel worse. That’s what I’m going to choose to channel my energy towards the good. The small moments that bring a leap of joy. The ones that leave me with a wistful smile or a giggle of mirth. I’m going to relish the dinner parties with friends, the chance to bake the most delicious chocolate cake, and the time to perfect my double-crochets.
To hell with mulling over the morose, and wishing I’ d been dealt a better hand. I choose to honour small moments of joy, and push myself towards my amazing, re-imagined future.
What do you choose?