Hard Decisions

Today was a pretty crappy day. I took my puppy, Bonnie, to the vet. We found a lump near her back legs while bathing her, and figured we’d better get it checked out. Being that she’s almost fourteen (so not really a puppy), I kind of expected it wasn’t going to be the greatest new ever. It turns out that the lump, along with other minor issues she’s been having, could be some kind of cancer. There is a small possibility it’s simply a cyst, but, because she’s had a mammary tumour in the past, it much more logical to assume some form of cancer.

Tomorrow I have to sort out finance, and then take her back in for blood tests. When they come back, we’ll know if there’s anything else going on (diabetes, heart disease, thyroid), and can decide which of the two biopsy options are the best to diagnose the lump. And then, because of her age and the awkward location of the lump, if the biopsy shows cancer the vet has suggested two options.

Option 1: If it’s benign, brilliant! We leave it as is, see how she goes, and hope it doesn’t grow further. If it does grow, we cross that bridge when we come to it, and look at possible drugs to shrink it.

Option 2: If it’s malignant…I say goodbye. If it’s malignant, they go through a very invasive operation to remove it, risk causing serious damage to her urinary system, put her through incredible stress, and leave her with an 80% chance of infection or recurrence.

Obviously, if it’s the latter, I don’t want to put her through that kind of hideousness for such low odds. But I also really don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t even know if I could say goodbye. She has been my constant little sidekick, and sometimes my most trusted friend. She has always listened to me, always loved me, and is always there when I need comforting. When things are going bad her goofy tap dance routines, sweet face, and knowing eyes are the best comfort. I love her to pieces. And I don’t want to have to choose to be without her. It’s too hard.

For now, I’m focussing on what I can deal with: the blood tests and the biopsy. Hopefully next week I can share happy news about my furbaby. For now, I’m going to give her a good night cuddle.

Hard Decisions image



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