Resolute: FebruaryRecap

Resolute - Feb recap Img

Another month over already! This year is already going way too fast for me, especially when it comes to resolutions. I’m not going to lie, I haven’t done so well with February’s five, but I’m getting there, and really doing well on January’s five. Here’s this month’s recap.

GET THAT TATTOO
This one failed big time. Between spoiling my new baby nephew, and paying vet bills, cash was not something I had spare. Ergo, the tattoo has been put on hold. Perhaps I’ll make it a splurge item with my first paycheck when I finally land a job.

BE MORE AWARE
Hmm…this could be viewed as a failure as well, especially seeing as I was so unaware this month, that I manages to trip on my own pants and break my toe. Clearly not paying great attention. But I have been paying more attention to my local community, and the changes happening in it. As much as it pains me, I’ve taken to reading the (badly written) local paper of a morning, and paying attention to the (badly produced) local news. Unfortunately for my parents, this means the occasional expletive yelled at the television when they mispronounce names or the weather girl stares at the prompter the whole way through the weather report.

SEW, KNIT, CROCHET
So, I tried to do more sewing, I really did, but it’s really hard to sew with a broken toe. I tend to use my big toe to adjust the speed of the machine—something I only discovered when I lost control and went all speed demon on a hem I was attempting. I did crochet some, though! I’m working on a very bright, rainbow blankie for noone in particular. Pictures to come.

EAT BEAKFAST
I’m proud to say I succeeded at this one! I think I skipped breakfast all of two days this month. The bonus of this is it also helped with getting healthier, because when I eat breakfast I don’t snack as much. Because I’ve taken to eating the same thing for breakfast pretty much every day (poached eggs on toast), I’m a veritable master at the perfect poached egg. An added bonus for me, and anyone else who just happens to be around for breakfast.

BE KINDER
I think I did ok with this resolution. There have been days I have struggled with my temper, or just been too lazy to help when I could see it was needed, so there’s still improvement to be made. I have made a concerted effort to let go of things that would normally bother me, and am certainly getting better at not setting gigantic secret expectations for people, and then getting cranky when they don’t measure up.

I’m also being kinder to myself. Allowing myself slip-ups in my diet, not getting frustrated if I accidentally take a four hour nap instead of a twenty minute one, and accepting that some days my body just hurts. Definitely more work to be done, but I’m getting there.

As for January’s goals, I’m still working hard on them. I’m avoiding gluten pretty well, and don’t seem to struggle too much with avoiding sugar during the week. My Saturday Cheat Day seems  to rollover into most of Sunday, but by Sunday night I’m usually behaving myself again. It’s been easy to be appreciative, with wonderful friends taking me out for a lavish surprise dinner, and a new nephew to enthral me. You know what, it’s also easier to let things go when you’ve got wonderful things to appreciate, because the little negatives seem so less important when you’re holding a sweet baby boy.

Still a lot to work on. More goals to get started on. Overall though, I’m feeling pretty good about these thirty accomplishments. As long as the year slows down a bit, I’m totally going to nail the list, maybe even with time to spare.

Thirty and Two.

So, it seems the thing that changes the most when you hit thirty is the inability to write good. Seriously, I’ve started this post ten times already, and each time it sounds worse and worse. It’s like February 24, 2014 was the exact date my brain had planned an extended vacation!

Seriously though, thirty years ago today, I came into this world. My mum constantly tells everyone that I was the easiest of labours, and ‘popped out like a cherry seed’. At which point I cringe, and endeavour to disappear. I don’t wanna brag, but I was a pretty cute baby. See:

Mummy and Daddy Heidielka, Brother Koshy, and Baby Heidielka.

Mummy and Daddy Heidielka, Brother Koshy, and Baby Heidielka.

(Things went downhill shortly after it was discovered I was, indeed, a ginger for life.)

When I was seven, I had cousins who were thirty. I thought they were the oldest people in the world. In fact, I’m pretty sure I told my twenty-nine year-old cousin that she should have babies soon because she only had, “like, eight more years and then you die”. I have never been good with numbers.

Even when I was a teenager, I was convinced that thirty was so far away, I’d definitely be some kind of successful, married, super-mum by now. But I was also convinced I would always love the name Lorraine, and would totally wear shoulder pads and a perm to my wedding. Just so you know, neither of those fashion statements will be present if/when I marry.

The past few years, I’ve definitely stressed about the fact that I was still so far from all that I wanted to achieve, and yet so very close to thirty. I mean, I was at least hoping to have a stable career, and see the possibility of a future with someone. Neither of those things are currently even close to happening right now.

Last year I was constantly frustrated at the nothingness my life seemed to have become. Living with my parents, surviving on welfare, and certainly not making any waves in the dating pool. I was convinced I was doomed to life as a lonely spinster, with far too many cats.

You know what, though, thirty really isn’t that old. Sure, I’m not fresh-faced and full of quite as much youth as I was in my twenties. I may not be quite as agile or full of energy. And I’m certainly not as good at recovering from an all nighter or a big booze-up. But I’m hardly over the hill.

So, I reckon, while I’m not really one for celebrating birthdays, thirty is definitely worthy of a little hurrah. As one of my pals said the other night at dinner, having made it this far without a drug or alcohol addiction, no unexpected pregnancies, or criminal records deserves celebration. Add to that the fact that I’ve managed to surround myself with the support and love of family and friends who I know I can count on, and being thirty isn’t all too bad.

So hurrah for thirty. And, also, hurrah for Heidielka. While I’m celebrating thirty years, my blog is turning two. Just like me, Heidielka has had a life of ups and downs so far, with periods of change and growth. I hope, as it’s technically in the toddler stages, Heidielka should find feet this year, and really start to take a more permanent shape. I’m expecting some more growing and changing, into a place I am excited by and proud of, as well as inspired by.

Thank you to all of you out there who have happened upon this little space, and stuck around for a while, even through the more silent times. I hope this year I can deliver some worthy reading, interesting titbits, and a few moments of happy.

Resolute: January’s Five

If you’re a regular reader (or have the ability to scroll back a post), you’ll know that this year I turn thirty. You’ll also know that I’ve set myself thirty resolutions for the year, in the aim of making this a year of change and growth. I promised to set myself a few to complete each month, and blog before and after they are achieved.  Seeing as January is almost over, I figure it’s probably time to talk about my Resolutions focus for this month.

This month and the next are a bit different to most other’s because there’s a collection of goals that are really long-term adjustments, rather than quickie challenges. This means, that while I’ll start them this month, I’m not really going to complete them until later in the year, probably not even for a couple years, but this will be the first step.  These one’s will updated regularly, along with the monthly ones, so you can keep me on track. And I mean that—feel free to give me some encouragement, or admonish me when I don’t quite achieve the month’s goals!

So, without further ado, the first five:

DROP THOSE KILOS

For many reasons—because of the PCOS and ME/CFS, because I’m lazy, because I like chocolate—I am the heaviest I’ve ever been. Unfortunately this creates a pretty vicious cycle, because the extra weight flares up my ME/CFS, making it hard to exercise, and then I eat bad because I feel bad…and gain more weight. In the past four years I’ve gone from a size 12-14 to a size 18-20, which has really dented the shaky self-confidence I’d worked hard to build.

I say I’m lazy and that I have eaten badly, but in truth a lot of that was due to frustration over not knowing what was wrong, or how to fix it. Now I know that PCOS girls tend to have to work harder to lose weight, and are much more prone to gaining it, I have a reason. After doing some research, and watching my reaction to different foods I know my triggers. I know what foods make me feel bloated and sluggish, what I eat that tends to make me gain quickly, and what foods make me feel really good. No surprise: the stuff that makes me feel best is fruit and vegetables!

So, this year, all that nasty weight is going to go away, and be replaced with the building blocks of confidence. Sugar, wheat, and gluten are gone, dairy is a sometimes food, and exercise is the new daily staple. Hoepfully, with all this in place, I will be wearing a bikini again at Christmas, and not hiding under shape-wear and baggy tees.

BECOME FINANCIALLY STABLE

When I was younger I was flush with cash, despite receiving pocket money. I got my first job at 12, and have worked ever since, even supporting my family by buying the weekly groceries through a tight patch when I was sixteen. I was strict on myself, allowing myself to blow the first pay-check at a new job, before squirrelling away sixty percent of each pay for a rainy day.

The past two years as I’ve been working to sort out my health I’ve been living predominantly on benefits. The meagre amount received from these benefits was usually barely enough to cover bills, food, and daily living expenses. I’ve had a run of giant medical bills, but I’ve also been stupid with my money at times, spending it willy-nilly, without considering the future.

While I don’t ever want to be one of those people that place great emphasis on money, I do want to go back to the sensible=spending ways of my youth. I want to pay off the debts I owe my parents, lighten the load on my credit card, and develop a positive credit rating, so I can eventually get a loan to buy a house. All those things, however, are secondary to the number one goal: finding a job. To be able to do anything, I have to start making enough money to do more than just scrape by, which means a full-time, nine-to-five, J.O.B. To tell you the truth, I’m secretly really excited about the concept of none-to-five! It’s crazy, I know, but it feels good to have enough energy to get through a week without needing to sleep half of it away—I want to use that energy for something worthwhile.

BE REAL/LET THINGS GO/BE MORE APPRECIATIVE

These next three I’ve grouped together, because they are pretty well connected. You see, I used to be one of those people that was always doing something. Throughout university, I worked an average of thirty-five hours a week and attended full-time classes. When I wasn’t at uni or at work, I was at a gig, or out for coffee, or taking a road trip to the beach. I wasn’t good at sitting still for too long, and I loved being really busy.

Because I’ve been so used to living life at double-pace, having ME/CFS has really been a struggle. My body no longer copes at high speed for very long, and my ability to push past the exhaustion and find a second wind isn’t so great. Not only does this frustrate me, but I’m sure it frustrates others. I’m always late getting to places, it takes me much longer to complete tasks, and I often have to say no to fun outings, so I’m fit to meet my obligations. Then I get angry at myself, and I rant about what I ‘used to’ be able to do and how fast I used to be able to get it done.

This year I’m going to focus on recalibrating—slowing down. I’m going to start doing things earlier, or simply allowing extra time to get them done. I’m going to be realistic, and acknowledge that it now takes me twenty minutes just to get out of bed because I need to wake up my muscles. I’m going to factor into tasks extra half-hour it takes me to get them done. I’m not going to get angry at myself, I’m not going to be frustrated at my body, I’m not going to focus on what was, because that only makes me feel worse.

I am going to appreciate the fact that I’m still fully able bodied. I’m going to revel in the fact that I can get out of bed, instead of sleeping all day like I was doing only months ago. I’m going to be grateful for the things that these changes have given me, and work with the positives instead of against the negatives. Which is what The Thirty is all about—working towards a better me. And hopefully a happy and successful one as well.

Hectic Heidielka

Last week was hectic.

I signed up to do a wedding for a family friend, and, while it was a paid job, I ended up spending close to five hundred dollars of my own money to ensure everything was completed in time. A lot of this excess was based purely on my inability to be tough on people. I didn’t stipulate additional costs for extra requests after the contract was signed—rookie mistake. I let my excitement get the better of me, and offered to hand-make all the linens, so everything would match perfectly from the ceremony to the reception. And because we were struggling to find a caterer willing to do a wedding breakfast at 8:00am, I also offered to cater the wedding, using only two very dodgy barbeques to cook for sixty people.

This all would have been okay if the bride and groom hadn’t decided to make adjustments to almost everything the week before the wedding. Because I hadn’t made any stipulations in the contract about alterations I felt obliged to agree to all their changes. This meant remaking half the linens, altering the catering equipment order, and spending the five nights pre-wedding desperately reorganising everything. Like I said, rookie mistake.

Anyway, that’s what happened last week. The wedding was on Saturday, and we ended up getting through it…just. Sunday morning was my sister-in-law’s baby shower, which I was also organising, meaning Saturday arvo was spent cooking. And Sunday afternoon was a neighbours Bridal shower, so more cooking. To add insult to injury, Friday I managed to sew myself to my sewing machine. Seriously, through my thumb nail and out the other side. With all overworking I woke up on Saturday morning with a migraine and a very upset stomach, and spent most of the weekend feeling like these guys:

What have I done the past few days? Watched tennis. I’ve dubbed this the Week of Recuperation, which is really just an excuse for me to loll around the house in the air-conditioning. My only tasks for the rest of the week are to apply for jobs, and blog. Both of which I plan to do copious amounts of in the next few days.

How was your weekend?

New Year, New-ish Heidielka

How did you bring in 2014? I spent it eating copious amounts of cheese, delicious moussaka, and eton mess, while cavorting with some of my very favourite girls, and a collection of their men. As always, we laughed and talked far too loudly, made copious inappropriate comments, and all went home with sore bellies from too much food and giggling. It was a wonderful night.

Now, to the elephant in the room. I have awol a long time. Here’s the thing: sometimes life is just enough to keep me away, sometimes I’m actually busy, and sometimes I just can’t face the whole thinking process. I don’t mean to disappear, or skip days/weeks, but sometimes time slips away, and I end up crawling in bed at the end of the day without even the slightest inspiration or desire to turn on my computer. So, from now on, no promises of every day, or even every week. For now, promises simply to blog when the mood strikes, and hopes that the mood will strike regularly and with great fervour. In fact, it’s kind of one of my resolutions.

We’ll talk more about resolutions tomorrow. For now, I want to wish anyone who’s stuck around a very happy, prosperous, and healthy new year. may 2014 be your year to shine. I’m going to make sure it’s mine.

The Real Stuart Little

I have all manner of interesting and intelligent things that I really want to share with you. In fact, if I got organised I could probably pre-write about a month’s worth of posts. The thing is, there really isn’t anything quite as urgent as me sharing another cute animal video with you, because everyone needs to see a mouse playing basketball today.